Favourite Football Jokes

Ref: I'm sending you off.
Player: What for?
Ref: The rest of the match of course!

Which part of a football ground is never the same from one day to the next?
The changing rooms.

Which team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla.

What should a team do if the pitch is flooded?
Bring on their subs!

David Beckham recently bought a sleeping bag.
It took him weeks to wake it up.

What do you call a laughing footballer?
Ryan Giggles!

Why are the seats at football grounds always cold?
Because there's a fan in every one!

Player 1: Sorry I missed that penalty, I could kick myself.
Player 2: Don't worry you'll only miss.
(Courtesy of Harry Skivington)

There are three premiership teams stranded in a desert
- Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. They have
been there for one week when they finally come across
a dead camel. The Man United players say 'As we're
ManCHESTer United, we'll have the chest.' The Liverpool
players say 'As we're LIVERpool, we'll have the liver.'
'We're not hungry,' say the Arsenal players.
Thanks for this one to Joe Meade from New Zealand.

Why did the manager take his pencils off his players?
So they couldn't draw.
From Sam Collar

If you have a fantastic football joke you would like to see on this screen, send it in to author@neilarksey.com

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